


Two Peas in a Log

by Lemon (lemon_sprinkles)



Series: Downtown Eastside [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Drinking, Drunkenness, Fluff, M/M, Two Peas in a Log
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 19:31:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10170203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_sprinkles/pseuds/Lemon
Summary: When Kaidan needs a rescue, Shepard braves the outdoors and the threat of numb toes all in the name of love.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ill_burn_that_bridge](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ill_burn_that_bridge/gifts).



> Written for Commanderruthernerd on tumblr who requested: drunk kaidan/protective shepard! It turned more into Drunk Kaidan/Exasperated but Amused Shepard, but whatever...

_[2:02 AM] Kaidan: I ned a lifft my dud._

_[2:02 AM] Kaidan: Dud._

_[2:03 AM] Kaidan: DUDE._

_[2:03 AM] Shepard: Where are you?_

_[2:05 AM] Kaidan: The Warehouse. Granvilleeee_

Shepard had read some scrambled text messages in his day, and more than a few had come from Kaidan in the fog of a migraine. But the ones he received when curled up in his bed were definitely not from a migraine addled Kaidan.

 They were from a drunk out of his mind Kaidan.

 If it had been anyone else texting him at two in the morning asking for a ‘lifft’ he’d have told them to bugger off and call an Uber or walk home. But it wasn’t anyone else; it was Kaidan. And as much as Shepard liked to believe he was a rebel without a cause—a man who didn’t care whom he helped or hurt—he couldn’t just ignore Kaidan’s drunken please for a walk home.

_[2:06 AM] Shepard: Give me twenty minutes._

XX

Shepard found Kaidan standing next to the closed down bar with a tall brunette woman he’d never seen before. Wearing only a hoodie and a toque despite the chill in the air, Kaidan looked flushed and more than a little unsteady as he wobbled around, hands flailing as he loudly told a story to the woman about…

 Cheese.

 “—but if you don’t take the time to savour it, it’s just… it’s not worth it, you know? Like, the entire concept of the melted brie is lost because you just… you just can’t do it. You can’t. It’s literally worse than… than like, stealing or something.”

 The woman saw Shepard first, and Shepard swore he saw relief in her eyes as she nodded her chin toward him.

 “Is that him?” she asked, thick Australian accent carrying through the early morning air.

 Kaidan whirled around, a huge, lazy grin on his features as he locked eyes with Shepard. Almost tripping on his own feet he trundled over to meet Shepard, pulling him in for a gigantic bear hug. He reeked of fancy beer and whiskey, and Shepard would have chided him for mixing his drinks were it not for the fact that he felt very warm and very cozy.

 He’d let it slide. This time.

 “Hey you,” Kaidan said—loudly. In Shepard’s ear. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

 Shepard untangled himself from Kaidan, finding that Kaidan suddenly had six hands all of a sudden—six very grabby hands.

 “I said I would, didn’t I?” he asked, bracing his hands on Kaidan’s shoulders to keep him steady. He looked like he was going to fall into the gutter at any moment.

 He also didn’t seem too displeased by the potential fall. He was grinning and giggling, and as he pulled Shepard toward the woman poised next to the wall, he slurred out what he thought constituted as a proper introduction.

 “John this is Miranda—Miranda, this is my dude.”

 He waggled his eyebrows, dark hairs disappearing and reappearing from the rim of his toque.

 “Nice to meet you,” Miranda said. She kept her hands firmly in her jacket pockets. “Sorry for bringing you out here. Kaidan insisted on calling you instead of catching a cab with me.”

 “Because you didn’t believe me,” Kaidan said defensively.

 Miranda rolled her eyes. “I believed you when you said you have a boyfriend, Kaidan.”

 “She didn’t believe me,” Kaidan said, turning dramatically to Shepard. “She said I got all my photos of you from a model’s Instagram.”

 Shepard smiled slightly. “Did she now?”

 Miranda’s expression changed from mildly annoyed to white and pinched in a matter of seconds, and she pushed herself away from the wall, black leather purse clutched closer to her side.

 “Sorry to leave him to you in this state,” she continued briskly, ignoring Kaidan’s accusations. “We managed to get some funding in the department and we all went out to celebrate. Some of us a little more than others.”

 “She’s lying—she had like, six shots and danced with some dude with a man-bun,” Kaidan said.

 “Looks like my cab is here,” Miranda said, and Shepard looked down the street to see she was indeed right.

 Small blessings.

She said a quick goodbye and a courteous ‘nice to meet you’ (that sounded about as forced as it could have been), before she practically ran to the cab and slipped inside.

 “She’s an asshole,” Kaidan said matter-of-factly.

 Shepard couldn’t help but let out a bark of laughter.

 “What?”

 Kaidan shrugged. “I like her. But she’s an asshole.”

 He grabbed Shepard and pulled him in for another hug—all tight arms and rubbing stubble—and pressed a kiss against his cheek.

 “Kind of like you,” he mumbled.

 Shepard rolled his eyes but hugged Kaidan back anyways. It was a bit out of character to see him so drunk. He wasn’t even attempting to hide how judgemental he could be, and he was hanging off of Shepard like a white, drunk girl at her first party. But Shepard kind of enjoyed it. It was good to know Kaidan was a bumbling cock-up just like the rest of the mortal coil.

 “How about we get you home, eh?” Shepard asked.

 “Let’s walk.”

 “It’s a long walk.”

 “I want to walk.”

 Shepard sighed and once again untangled himself from Kaidan. Kaidan stayed pressed up close, eyes closed and cheeks bright pink, a cheeky little smile on his lips.

 “You’re going to have to open your eyes, K.”

 Kaidan blinked, nodded, and took Shepard’s hand before setting off in the completely opposite direction of where they should have been going. Shepard gently rectified the misstep, and they were off and down the deserted streets together, Kaidan holding on to Shepard’s hand like he thought he might fall over at any moment.

 He probably would.

 “Looks like you had a good night,” Shepard said, gently dragging Kaidan away from a pole.

 “Yeah, man… yeah. I did. You know, sometimes it’s just good to… it’s just good to get out, you know? Get out and talk to people and drink with people and… talk to people. It’s just… it’s people, you know?”

 Shepard nodded. “Sure.”

 “And we got a lot of money coming in for the department. And that’s… that’s great. It’s good. Really good.”

 “Because you can cure canc—woah, Kaidan.”

 Kaidan almost slammed into a trashcan, Shepard tugging him out of the way just in time.

 “Damn! When did that get there?” Kaidan asked, looking at the trashcan like it had just told him Cariboo was quality beer.

 Shepard had been on the receiving end of that look more times than he could count.

 “It’s always been there, dude,” Shepard said.

 “Oh… oh.”

 Kaidan turned back to Shepard, once again grinning. Shepard rolled his eyes but couldn’t hide his smile. Pulling him in close, Shepard wrapped his arm over Kaidan’s shoulder and guiding him down the streets marred with trashcans, light poles, bus stop signs, and the occasional newspaper box.

 The longer they walked the less chatting Kaidan did, his voice going from varying degrees of shouting down to a slurred, lazy drawl that did weird shit to Shepard’s guts. They were only halfway to Yaletown when Shepard sat them down at a bus stop, arm still wrapped around Kaidan’s shoulder as he sagged against him.

 Kaidan didn’t say anything. He just rested his head against Shepard’s shoulder, a long sigh slipping past his lips. Using his free hand, Shepard reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette and a lighter, fumbling only once in his quest. Taking a long drag, he sat back on the bench and kicked his feet out, Kaidan half-asleep against him.

 “Thanks for coming,” Kaidan mumbled after a minute.

 Shepard hummed. “It’s no problem.”

 “I wanted to invite you,” Kaidan continued. “But I knew you’d feel out of place and… and I didn’t want to do that to you. I do it enough.”

 Shepard quirked a brow and looked down at Kaidan’s toque. “What do you mean?”

 “I know you don’t always feel comfortable in my world. And I know I sometimes… I sometimes lose sight of that. I invite you to things you don’t like and you don’t feel good and I… I dunno. I want to include you, you know? But I don’t want to make you feel bad.”

 Shepard sighed and took another long drag of his cigarette, taking the time to collect his thoughts. Part of what Kaidan was saying was true—Shepard _did_ feel awkward at those sorts of social events. Surrounded by people with educations and money made Shepard feel even more hyper aware that he wasn’t like them—he wasn’t like Kaidan. But despite the initial awkwardness, the condescending looks, and the hushed whispers from people who thought he couldn’t see or hear them, Shepard eventually relaxed.

 He only needed Kaidan around to have a good time. Everything else was secondary.

 “It’s not like I’m any less awkward when I’m not out with you at shitty hipster bars,” Shepard mumbled.

 Kaidan snorted. “You’re not awkward. I’m awkward.”

 “Well, there is no denying that one.”

 Shepard received a sharp jab in the side.

 “If you want to invite me I’d be alright going. And if you don’t want to invite me, I’m fine with that, too. Hell, picking you up in the middle of the night when you’re raging drunk is enough for me. So long as I get to see you every now and again, the things we do and the places we go… that shit’s all secondary.”

 Kaidan was silent for a long while—so much so that Shepard thought Kaidan had fallen asleep. But then he moved slightly, lips pressed against Shepard’s neck, warming his skin with each exhale. Shepard turned his head slightly, chin brushing Kaidan’s forehead, his toque almost falling off.

 “You’re a romantic sap,” Kaidan finally said.

 Shepard blushed. “N-No. I’m just being fucking honest.”

 Kaidan began to giggle. “You’re a romantic sap. An asshole, romantic sap, who picks his boyfriend up in the middle of the night when he’s incredibly drunk. Would a straight up asshole do that, hm?”

 Shepard huffed, but found himself smiling all the same.

 “And you’re remarkably honest when you’re piss drunk,” Shepard said. “And also a bit of an asshole.”

 “We’re peas.”

 “We’re… peas?”

 “Yeah. In a log, you know?”

 Shepard snorted. “Peas in a pod, you mean?”

 “’s what I said.”

“Sure.”

 Kaidan’s head returned to Shepard’s shoulder, cheek pressed against the smooth leather of his jacket.

 “You’re my pea,” Kaidan mumbled. “My asshole pea.”

 “Don’t go telling people that, alright? They might get a weird impression of our relationship.”

 “My pea-friend.”

 “Don’t say that, K.”

 It wasn’t until Kaidan had fallen asleep, curled up against Shepard’s side in the middle of downtown Vancouver at a bus stop, did Shepard realize that the buses in the area wouldn’t be coming back around for another hour.

 But drunken Kaidan was worth the numb bum and the cold toes.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
